Parkinson’s Takes a Deeper Bite

For the past few months, the way we live has been changing from day to day.  I can date it fairly closely–Ricardo was going through days of feeling weak in the beginning of April, and then when he had a fall at the bottom of an escalator, his condition took a plunge into the scary.  I think I’ve been living with scary pretty much ever since. 

A couple of weeks ago, our family doctor said he believed it is time to begin the process of planning for long-term care for Ricardo.  I have known that time was coming, but hearing the doctor say that was a knife to the heart.  I can still cope with Ricardo’s care,  sometimes just barely, but we want to keep him at home as long as possible.  I will arrange to meet with the necessary people from our health care area, people who will assess Ricardo’s condition, assess our home situation, and assess our financial situation.  I will learn the questions that I should ask.  I don’t know how I will get through, but I guess a box of tissues will help.  Make that several boxes.

As you can imagine,  this has been devastating.  I have faced up to it pretty well, I think, and have not run away from my feelings, but I have been unwilling to write about them here.  I think no one wants to read about the struggles of two old people against an incurable disease.  We find things to laugh about, but they don’t translate into anecdotes for a blog.

 We have good days, Ricardo and I;  we do a lot of remembering of past experiences, we pray together, and we talk about our fears.  Most of the time, the mood around the house is upbeat.  But when Ricardo has a time of severe weakness, I find I am right at the limit of my strength in helping him with the necessities, and I become scared.  Only prayer helps me hang on.

So, if this blog continues to be updated irregularly, the few of you who stop by will understand.  There’s a lot of pain going on, and although I can think about it and talk about it with family, writing it down seems extremely difficult for me.  And if I just write blithely about flowers and cooking, I feel as though I’m giving a false impression, and I have wanted to be truthful in my writing for this blog.   I imagine I’ll work it out somehow, find some sort of balance, but in the meantime, I ask you to be patient with me.  We all do what we can.  Pray for us, please.

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6 Responses to Parkinson’s Takes a Deeper Bite

  1. Perhaps with some home care, you can enjoy the physical help and conscentrate on quiet and happy times with your husband. I hope you can find some relief and hope in this way!

    Also, I understand how difficult it is to write about watching someone you love so deeply live in pain, and about your heart-felt fears. It seems impossible to do, and it seems better to put your energies into loving your sweetheart, so you don’t miss a moment.

    Prayers are going out to you today!

  2. LeeAnn Balbirona says:

    Thank you for the update. You both have my prayers. Though my loss was sudden, rather than slow, I feel I understand a lot of what you are going through. My main feeling about my blog after my husband’s death (in a boating accident last year) was that I was (am going) through a time like Mary, who ‘kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.’ Some things can be shared but only in person, I think, and a lot of it just has to be thought about, prayed about and experienced alone. God bless you.

  3. Miz_hatbox says:

    Oh dear, I’m sorry it’s been so difficult. Of course you are both in my prayers.
    I’m always glad to see you post, whether the news be good or not-so-good. But I agree with Kathleen–save your energy for Ricardo first and foremost.

  4. jaykaym says:

    We will all be patient and hope that you know that we are thinking of you in your time of struggle. Please remember to take care of yourself as well as Ricardo. We, out in cyber-space, care for both of you and hope you find peace.

  5. Lisa G. says:

    There is a lot of help out there which can be had – when you get that sorted out, it will be a great help and relief to you.

    • bookgetaway says:

      Thanks for your comment, Lisa. I would very much like to know what you had in mind when you wrote, “There is a lot of help out there”. Can you direct me? Thanks.

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