I took on a challenge for 2011. I want to learn to give service to others patiently, putting
the other person first and learning humility. I began in January, and so far I feel I have made very little progress.
My pride seems to be what gets in the way. Things need to be done my way, at the time I choose, in the way I deem correct. When I decided to take on this challenge, I had a sense that it would be hard for me, so I’m not dismayed that yes, I am finding this very difficult. Sometimes I am right there being helpful, but get me tired or anxious and I seem to default immediately to being abrupt, coercive, or at least impatient.
Again and again I have failed to include this issue in my prayers. Thinking and praying about it last night, I realized that I must be convinced, at some deep level, that I can do this on my own. That is what I need to give up. Pride is keeping me from really bringing this before God. And not only do I need to bring it before him, I need to turn it over to him.
Sin is so much a part of us, but we know, we KNOW that he is waiting for us to give him our selves so that we may be redeemed.
When I began this blog, I named it Learning to Let Go, because I knew there were many things I was being called to let go of. At this point, I’m seeing that the most important thing to let go is the illusion of being in control. God is, I am not. I’m going to have to remind myself of that every morning and every night.